DON’T BE STUPID: It Might Make You Famous


Ivy Easterly

Are we really that stupid? Have you ever purchased an item and read the warning instructions? How about the directions? Well,  here you go. Warnings or directions on how to use some of the most common items you have purchased over your lifetime. Funny, stupid and just downright “What were they thinking?”

When you read this list you will shake your head. Again. I ask you… “Are we really that stupid?”


In a microwave oven manual:

Do not use for drying pets.

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

On some Swanson frozen dinners:

Serving suggestions: Defrost.

Printed on the bottom of Tesco Tiramisu dessert:

Do not turn upside down.

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

On Sears hair dryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

On Boot’s Children’s Cough Medicine:

Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.

On Nytol Sleep Aid:

Warning: May cause drowsiness.

On most brands of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

On a Microwave Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

On a Japanese food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

On Sainsbury’s peanuts:

Warning: Contains nuts.

On a child’s Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.

On a Swedish chain saw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.

On a toboggan:

Beware: Sledge may develop high speed under certain snow conditions.

On a knife sharpener:

Caution: Knives are sharp.

On shin pads for cyclists:

Shin guards cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

On a take-away coffee cup:

Caution: Hot beverages are hot.

Emergency safety procedures at a US summer camp:

In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly.

On the back of a pilot’s seat in a NATO aircraft:

Seat must be facing forward for take-off and landing.

On the bottom of a cola bottle:

Do not open here.

On a Harry Potter wizard’s broom:

This broom does not actually fly.

On a box of aspirin:

Do not take if allergic to aspirin.

On a bottle of laundry detergent:

Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine.

On a muffin packet:

Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

In a kettle instruction manual:

The appliance is switched on by setting the “ON/OFF” button to the “ON” position.

On a ketchup bottle:

Instructions: Put on food.

On a bottle of rum:

Open bottle before drinking.

A car park sign:

Entrance only. Do not enter.

A sign in a street in Hong Kong:

Beware of people.

Rules on a tram in Prague:

Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be persecuted.

Sign on newly-renovated ramp entrance, USA:

Take care: New non-slip surface.

On a can of air freshener:

For use by trained personnel only.

On a bottle of baby lotion:

Keep away from children.

On a pair of socks bought in Egypt:

Do not wash.

On a 500-piece jigsaw puzzle:

Some assembly required.

On a can of pepper spray used for self defense:

May irritate eyes.

On a Frisbee:

Warning: may contain small parts.

In a car handbook:

In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

On a packet of cashew nut pieces:

Warning: This product may contain residue of nuts.

Replacing battery: Replace old battery with a new one.

On a toilet cleaning brush:

Do not use orally.

On a birthday card for a one-year-old:

Not suitable for children aged under 36 months or less.

In a hotel bedroom:

Please do not turn on TV except when in use.

In a lift in a Japanese hotel:

Push this button in case anything happens.

On a can of Spray paint:

Do not spray in your face.

On a TV remote:

Not dishwasher safe.

On a blowtorch:

Not used for drying hair.

On a washing machine in a laundry mat:

No small children.

On a bottle of hair dye:

Do not use as ice cream topping.

On a push lawn mower:

Not to be used as a hedge trimmer.

On a box of fireworks:

Do not put in mouth.

On the packaging for a wrist watch:

Warning this is not underwear! Do not attempt to put in pants.

In a dishwasher manual:

Do not allow children to play in dishwasher.

On a toaster:

Do not use underwater.

On a mattress:

Do not attempt to swallow.